Degree in Parenting

Sometimes I really wish I had a degree in parenting.  If not a four year degree, at least my Associates.  Tonight I feel wiped out and I have that "what just happened?"  You know... parental amnesia.  I know I lived the last 3 days but my mind is just a blur of moments and memories.  This may be estrogen overload... or possibly estrogen anaphylactic shock... the jury is still out on it... let's just say I am ready for a NEW week.  Friday started with us waiting by the computer for the Oliver cast to be posted.  When I say waiting, I really wish I meant figuratively... that just wouldn't be honest.  At almost 11pm, it finally went up and all of the Thompson's were in!  However, 11pm was when the long conversation about the tough stuff in life and what the real definition of "worth" really means.  This conversation seems to have played into most of the weekend.  Don't get me wrong, there have been great conversations, heart felt talks, and I believe even some healing that has happened in my girls; I just find myself, here on Monday night feeling once again like such a novice, such a newbie in parenting.  

The girls, especially the twins, ask me every so often what my biggest fear is when it comes to being a Mom.  I am not sure why they ask me this because my answer is always the same; that they chose to not follow the Lord when they grow up.  Bad decisions, mistakes, and all kinds of things can go wrong, but if they cling to the Lord through it all... none of it scares me.  I am learning as they get older and older how little control I have in this... responsibility yes, control... not at all!  Only they can chose to be soft to the Holy Spirit, only they can chose the condition of their heart.  I can't make them be teachable, or introspective, or selfless, or eternal thinkers.  Sadly, I am finding out that this is kind of hard for me, this lack of control over their hearts and minds.  They must make their choices each day to follow the Lord or not, I simply cannot do it for them.  

As I look back on this weekend in light of all that, and how tired I feel from it all, the Lord is tapping me on the shoulder and showing me how it is less about the events of the weekend and more about my fighting to hold onto control.  He is telling me to Trust Him with their hearts, trust the Holy  Spirit to speak to them... I do believe they hear Him.

You know... this would have been a really great class to take when earning that degree in parenting.