New Phase, New Mommy

I don't know if all parents feel this way, but I still often get the feeling that I first had when I was a brand new Mom.  You know the feeling.  That sense of, "Okay... now what?"  Bringing the baby home from the hospital and trying to figure out how you shower with a newborn, what you do if your baby is sleeping but according to your "schedule", it's time to eat, how much to take on an outing and what to leave... all those moments that you have to experience, and no amount of "pregnancy check lists" prepare you for.  By the time the girls were moving around on the floor, those first questions were an old hat.  Then came where to set the boundaries for my little movers, how do I communicate with a baby who is starting to try and communicate with me?  Each phase brought new territory to navigate and new challenges to try and figure out.  I honestly thought that the older they got the more experienced I would feel.  Don't get me wrong, I have total confidence if you hand me a newborn to take care of; but some days as I am sitting  across from one of my 15 year olds, all I can think is, "should I wake her up to eat, or let her sleep?" I feel like such a new Mommy all over again.

The thing that is so different now,  is that the decisions and shepherding that we try and give our kids seems to have such far reaching consequences.  I mean, if I messed up with their feeding schedule, I could back pedal and try something new.  Now they sit there with real life questions and decisions to make and I feel a sense of HUGE responsibility roll over me... and if I am honest, some days... total fear.  I know I am not, and cannot be a perfect parent.  There was only one of those and even His children made the wrong choice.  I do however pray and ask the Lord for wisdom beyond my experience, and patience with not only my girls, but with myself as well.  I don't have to have the perfect answer every-time.  I may at times respond out of fear instead of what's right for them.  I will just keep praying that God's grace will fill in the holes that we undoubtedly will leave behind, and hope that one day when my girls are calling me with their own "baby" questions,  grace will flow both ways.